Be Superficial and Transactional if You Want But Do it Without Imposing Unrealistic Conversational Patterns
I went to my first Chicago tech networking event this week after spending two months in San Francisco and it was a breath of fresh air! I’m not saying that not only because of the great conversations but also because of the average ones! I appreciated how the conversations that went nowhere still left me enough juice for the next person. When I peeked at my watch expecting the event to be about half over, it was already half an hour past the end time. This was a stark contrast to many SF events, where I’d find myself in a corner 45 minutes in, negotiating with myself to talk to just a couple more people to make the public transit back and forth feel a little more worthwhile.
I’m not shy or introverted (both loaded terms that dismiss the complexity of interpersonal dynamics,) so what was different? In SF, I often felt like I was being treated like a computer. My status as a startup operator attracted third degree interrogations from founders about the details of how I do my job, query after query with no room to think or even breathe. They fought over me with contactless shoves, the HR approved equivalent of siblings in the era of the family computer, one taking over another’s session without bothering to log in or out.
So, where do I go from here? For starters, it’s kind of a relief to realize going to five events a day wasn’t paying off, despite the FOMO inducing buzzwords on the Partiful pages. I’m welcoming a change in pace as I plan my next Bay stay. I look forward to being more selective with events and having more energy for the self-selecting crowds at more niche panels, discussions, and gatherings. I’ve also been making more time for thoughtful reach-outs to aligned people across the globe who, for location or time reasons, haven’t been running the SF circuit. Ironically, I’ve been having more good professional conversations per week now than during my event hopping days, from the comfort of my own home! This new influx of respect in my life has raised my bar for what dynamics I’ll put up with this time. Walking away isn’t always a coward move. It can also be a power move.
