Normalizing Suicidality

Once upon a time, there was a naive woman named Tara. She had internalized toxic ideas about suicidality from her Midwestern American environment. She’d been told to call the police any time someone is suicidal, but what about when they’re suicidal for months on end or they get out of the hospital with a pile of debt and they’re still suicidal?

All her therapist at the time had to say was that it wasn’t her job to keep her friends alive and to focus on herself. The subtext read not to care so much. At least that’s how Tara took it. She refused to accept that though.

Without advice on how to support suicidal friends sustainably, Tara burnt out spending a good chunk of her after work hours on the phone with them talking through every little discomfort because she couldn’t tell danger from the pain of growth. She enabled them to grow codependent on her until she had no energy left for herself and her empathy dried up. She grew resentful and eventually decided that she needed to take a break from them. This dynamic played out a couple times with different friends including her best friend, Amy. Though Tara and Amy were so close that nine people asked if they were dating, it didn’t stop Tara from connecting with Amy from a place of catastrophizing rather than curiosity.

Tara tried to start a new “normal” life of small talk and escapist activities with a new circle, but she never felt fulfilled. She couldn’t find fulfillment in shallowness after experiencing depth. Eventually, she would grow depressed. She kept starting over a couple times until something told her that doing the same thing was unlikely to yield different results.

Then, her best friend, Amy, showed her that suicidality is a normal part of being human through her comedy set. As Amy spread this idea and expressed how she wanted to be treated while suicidal, other friends started doing the same. After a couple years of shock, doubt, and growing pains, Tara had enough examples for the answer her old therapist couldn’t give her to click. When there were gaps in her perspectives, she sought out more perspectives rather than retreating in fear.

She learned how to walk side by side with friends struggling with trauma, depression, anxiety, and suicidality without it becoming a dilemma about whether to give or keep her energy. She learned to just be together. She learned to stop pathologizing and start trusting our connected humanity. She learned all that thanks to Amy’s open sharing about her experience.